........

so...feelings....i constanly ask myself how does that make me feel...and i get NBUGYUJHBHGTFDYTFJGBJ over and over.
i know only 2 ppl will read this if they ever do...but i guess itsw easier to get the jumble all out at once.
where the hell do i start...theres so many topic i need to have a spazzzzz and let out all thats going on..


1. UNI!!!!!
so..uni is...well its ok. i am struggling to see the point in the stuff i am doing tho. it is all so repedative and the shit i was doing in year 10. i am doing better this semester tho...i hope :/

2. JOB
yea i got a job...shit tho...and i would of thought people advertising on seek would reply...but no they just give me free 14 day memberships to gyms and then nothing. i made as much money in 3 hours on sunday as i did in 12 hours at chingchong hut

3> FRIENDS......yeah the big one
so yeah...i have maybe one or 2 friends at uni..i have lost all my guy friends....nicole is off into her music stuff with all the other music ppl...i dont fit in there its all playing and writing music...it makes me feel so dumb, i tried hanging with alice and matt a bit but they dont give a shit about uni and just go out drinking all the time...i dont have money so i cant fit in there....then there is david and connor....they seem to be like a couple now doing all this rock climbing, tennis, golf, basketball, clubs, poker, concerts...i mean yeah i am sick of them and they dont give a shit about me...but i guess it would be nice to be asked once in a while rather then them just talking all the time aboutit infront of me...not once has david asked how i am going with my shoulder...he doesnt give a shit. he wont be around uni for much longer i dont think...and connor is heading into his last year  next year...ryan is cool but he lives 2 hours away and is a bit...well different but alot like me in movies and music taste. it is also hard coz there is noone from skool at the uni and it is so far away from the city that i dont get to bump into anyone from skool, it would be nice to see a friendly face........so thats unifriends what i have left of them....then there is the group from school...wow when we started uni it was a huge group of 20odd now its just a few smaller groups. i dont get to see them much..it kind of feels like they dont want to hang out with me....i know mitch does...but thats it cant remember the last time i had a conversation with callum or harry...probs was on holiday...i mean yeah they have their own lives but it would be nice if just once someone would message me first and be all :you wanna hangout man" i know they still my friends...but i feel...different....

3: SPORT
yeah so thats fucked...missed the grandfinal that i worked 12 months since being dropped last year to make only to be injured...i know people dont understand and all say "atleast you played well and had fun" yeah i did but i dont think you can understand until you have been in the environment where every training is talking about finals every week is a challenge to make the team and you would so hard to make and it is taken from you in a split second decision..i only really have myself to blame too...shoulder is completely fucked...it has been 4 weeks since i injured it and i still cant sleep on it, i struggle to drive, i cant even lift a bottle without it hurting...going back to get it checked out this week...atm just dont know what will happen...i know a guy who did a similar injury and he never played again...i dont know what i would do without my lacrosse it hase been my life for 9 years and even longer as a family bonding...i remember christmas is always me and my cuz out on nanas lawn throwing the ball...then the uncles and dad joins in...i get to talk to dad most about lacrosse and the drives to the games is really the only time i get to spend time with him...its not just a sport to me...its a lifestyle...i just dont think i can change that...i dont know if i could give it up that easy. i am getting a bit emtional and teary just thinking about this so i am going to move on.
...i am also at that stage that happens every major injury...i get highly emotional and sensetive...see this is why i need physical exercise...or i go nuts..i am the worst man ever.

5: HOLIDAY
going to book that...yay...i cant wait

6: MY beautiful girl
wow it has been almost 7 months....best seven months i hav had.....if you asked me a year ago where i would be 12 months on...i would of told you in a dream i would be dating my best friend...we are not like other relationships...we are better...i cant stand not talking to you for a few ours...i hate going to sleep without you next to me...i honestly dont know how i got so lucky...but you are the glue holding my life together this month...i wake up every morning with a smile on my face because of you and go to bed happy no matter what because of you...i love you so much...i am the luckiest guy alive <3

yeah so that enough for the momment i think... please ignore the grammar and spelling..its 11pm and i am relaxing to jack johnson and pete murray